99 Problems Parody

This parody was written for one of our team members at work when she left the company leaving behind some ongoing projects. It contains references to projects and vendors specific to our job, so some things may not make sense.

(To the tune of “99 Problems” by Jay-Z)

If you’re having time problems I feel bad for you son;
I got 99 problems, but K2 ain’t one.

I got…the QC control on the mouse patrol--
Those that wanna make sure the defect’s closed.
Testers cryin’ out that the software blows.
I’m IT stupid what type of facts are those?

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Questions and Answers

I wrote this on my 40th birthday.

If I turned forty today how would I feel?

As a youth in times of Noah?
   As an old man in ancient Rome?
Maybe I would feel “middle aged”,
   (As these days it’s commonly known)?

If I turned forty today what would happen?

Perhaps some morbid reflection;
   Regret of things passed and undone?
An over-the-hill party theme--
   (“From here on it won’t be much fun!”)

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Short Meeting

This parody was written after a weekly meeting that usually runs for a long time ended pretty quickly. With the unexpected time on my hands I suppose I could have gotten some work done, but instead I wrote this.

(To the tune of “American Pie” by Don McLean)

A long, long time ago

I can still remember how those projects used to make me smile.
And, I knew that my specs were right
So coding them would be no fright,
And management was happy for a while.

But when K2 came on the scene
Just one year turned to umpteen.
A meeting on the invite--
Best strap in for the long flight.

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Paint the Dashboard Black

For a project at work we kept a dashboard of tasks, due dates, and a color status depicting how on track we were to meet the deadline. Green meant that things were on target, yellow meant that there were potential issues that would put us behind, and red meant that we had missed the deadline. My thought was that if we used the hour or so every day we spent going over the chart we could be much further along with the project. That was the inspiration for this parody. The attached document also includes the graphics that went along with the song.

(To the tune of "Paint it Black" by the Rolling Stones)

I see a red dot and I want to paint it black
No colors anymore I want them to turn black
I see the dots scroll by dressed in their pleasing green
I have to turn my head when red comes on the scene

I see a line of dots and they’re all painted black
With mouse and keyboard clicks, they’re never coming back
I see due dates come up fast and quickly fade away
Like a task unwritten it just happens ev’ry day

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